something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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