Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
