ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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