Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
