trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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