had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
