If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
