Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
