I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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