for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
