is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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