i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
