after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This house was built for laser tag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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