Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
