Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
