i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
