god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
