i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
