I accidentally had phone sex last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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