I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize