I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
