I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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