im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
