best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
