I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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