So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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