tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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