imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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