So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
