I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize