I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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