if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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