perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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