So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize