Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
