so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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