Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
