I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
