i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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