Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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