I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
