Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
