FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We talked him into tasing himself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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