Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
