You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
