Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
