I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
