we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
