Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.