Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."