i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"