Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.