More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.