OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Will exercising make me less horny?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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