i wish there were pregnant emoticons
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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