he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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