"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
