Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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