currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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