i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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Everclear isn't food dammit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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