Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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