Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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