a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
