I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
