oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
