I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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