The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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