So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
