after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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