I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
