I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
